I Hear The Bells Toll
by VG LittleBear
Summary: JIBBS in three parts from Jenny's POV - (Love/Drama) - Jenny thinks about Jethro a lot in season 5, but the chapters follow canon developments. Spoiler warnings apply, specifics in each chapter.
1. Operation True Love

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

 **Set in time:** NCIS 2007/2008, season 5

Spoiler warnings for seasons 3 to 5, specifics in each chapter.

Main characters: Jennifer Shepard, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard, Mike Franks.

 _ **A/N: JIBBS in three parts for those of us that think second chances are hard to come by (from Jenny's POV).**_

* * *

 **I Hear The Bells Toll**

(by VG LittleBear/vglb)

* * *

 **Operation True Love**

Spoiler warning: 5×09 "Lost & Found", minor spoilers for seasons 3 to 5.

* * *

Only a few weeks ago Jenny had made her first overture to Gibbs since she came back to DC. It was a spontaneous offer, but she had been thinking about what she wanted from life ever since she had put her obsession with her father's death behind her. Jethro had come to her house, and ended up putting Carson to bed, the boy Gibbs had maneuvred her to host for the night.

The last time she had seen him take care of a little boy, she hadn't known he'd already been a father. This time she knew, and it broke her heart even as he said that the kid would be alright. She'd glimpsed the kind of father he'd been for his daughter when he slipped the boy under covers, then went to the backbag sitting beside the bed and extracted a tired looking plush doggie, the kind of toy loved to bits. Even asleep the boy snuggled it against his neck when Jethro placed it in reach. Jenny had not known it was there, and her rised eyebrow asked and received a reply: neither had Jethro - until he checked the bag. That was probably just experience as a parent. Jethro had this winsome look about him as he tenderly brushed the kid's hair away from his face before guiding her out the door.

Alone together on their own time, Jenny had asked him to stay; for the first time in ages she felt free to do so. He'd turned her down, saying she'd made her choice. True enough, for years she had chosen to put her father, and his memory above all else. Her father had been the most important person in her life, living or dead. She had had a hidden agenda for years, but now her quest was over, and she wanted her life back. And she wanted Jethro in it.

* * *

Nine years ago, she had believed she was alone in her grief, her father barely dead a year, dead under a cloud of suspicion. She was sure she knew the one man responsible, and secretly she went on the warpath. For a time she had sought strength and refuge in Gibbs arms, never telling him what had happened in the study of her father. She never talked about her family, and thankfully he never asked. Obviously that meant she never asked about his life either, and Jethro was the strong, silent type anyway. Of course she had known that he'd been married more than once, but with their job and undercover operations, she had probably seen more of Jethro during the times he was married than his wedded wife did. Marriage was overrated anyway. Even though, she had never been 'the other woman', Jethro never put her in that situation.

Back in Paris, undercover and real life his bedmate, she had concentrated on her job. When her own nightmares culminated with a gunshot - the gunshot in the study branded into her memory - it would wake her; shocked out of sleep she often watched Gibbs still dreaming. His sleep seldom seemed happy, but she attributed his nightmares to his experiences in war, the one or other case, even their undercover ops. Some certainly were, but she'd noticed that each time she had driven their car, it had made his dreams agitated. Not that she had understood why being driven would make it worse for Jethro. But while Jethro's driving messed with her stomach for a time, she had never had her dreams affected by his erratic driving.

So she never contested Gibbs' need to drive, even if his driving often was madly inappropriate in European mountain passes, or washed out back roads. Other times it was barely distinguishable from local drivers some she wished had never been given a driver's licence. Then again, she doubted that some of those drivers actually held a valid permit. The times she frequently drove, they were in England. Jethro left driving on the 'wrong' side to her. And they both paid for it, when Gibbs' dreams had him cry out in the middle of the night. She'd never have guessed there was a lost family lying beneath the roiling surface of Gibbs, only manifesting in sleep. When she'd caught him lightening candles in the one or other church, she'd thought it was for lost souls. He'd killed enough people to wish them eternal peace, anything to pass a quiet night. Only his sad eyes didn't quite match that sentiment.

When Jethro talked about setting up house together, she couldn't tell him that she needed to move on. Leaving him between two flights with a 'Dear John' letter and her lovely coat, had been hard. But she had a plan and a mission of her own that were incompatible with settling down. Nor would it have been fair to the man she had believed him to be, to involve him into her dark schemes. Ironically it had been another airport that showed her how much she still counted for Jethro. The fact that her oblique reference to her coat had sent him to the right place to save her, blew her away.

But then came the night Jethro was blown up on that Turkish ship, and he went further away from her than he'd ever been since they had met again. At first she had been afraid for his health, but he overcame that hurdle with his usual disregard for physical pain. His mind though had been laid bare to fresh anguish over the murder of his wife and their daughter. To Jenny, learning that their car had crashed had been a revelation. How often had Jethro wanted to drive their car himself in his tortured dreams?

To him his loss had seemed like yesterday, all the intervening years swept away along with any memory of her. It changed their relationship, even after he'd recovered his memories. Almost two years had passed since, and he'd not let anyone close to this hurt, not even Hollis, who'd had the nerve to poach in her own backyard. Jenny had tried to warn her away when she first showed up in MTAC. The blond Lieutenant Colonel hadn't wanted to listen, so sure in the charm Jethro had woven. They had lasted longer than she had hoped, too, Hollis only liberating the field recently.

Although Jethro's answer had been 'no' in her house, there was that look between them as they witnessed the reunion between Carson and his parents a day later. Maybe he just had his pride, after all she'd shot him down on the stairs, after Tom Morrow had handed her the reins of the agency. Although he hadn't given up then. So much had happened in the mean time, she just hoped there was still hope for the two of them. She knew what she wanted.

Today she had gotten the news that Carson had been legally adopted by his father's wife who had been his loving mother ever since she moved into their household. NCIS clearing his father's name had made it possible. She was going to let Jethro know that happy news, maybe it would lead them to a new beginning, too. Jenny just needed to get rid of her headache first.

* * *

\- tbc -


	2. Two Steps Back

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

Identifyer: vglb0012/ch02 - a new chapter of "I Hear the Bells Toll" by VG LittleBear

Spoiler warning: 5×13 "Dog Tags", 5×14 "Internal Affairs", minor spoilers for seasons 3 to 5.

* * *

 **Two Steps Back**

 _Jenny just needed to get rid of her headache first._

* * *

The headache didn't let up, not that evening, nor the following days. When Jenny asked Ducky for help yet again, he told her she needed to go see a doctor at an actual hospital. Unfortunately she couldn't do that without SecNav getting wind of it, so she tried to hang on. She didn't want to advertise that she was vulnerable, not in the political climate prevailing on the hill. Jenny had never been prone to protracted headaches, unlike Jethro who once in a while went even more silent than usual, but now it was her turn to experience light sensitivity, react to loud noises, and feel like throwing up, all without a discernable cause, or the benefit of a hangover.

Seeing her miserable mien, Ducky had a doctor friend run a CT on her as a Jane Doe. Once done, she was asked to wait. After a while a Nurse came and took blood, her temperature, more blood, then there was more waiting. When Ducky came back with his friend hours later, they basically told her she needed to go under the knife. They didn't even speak about biopsy. When she asked what her chances were of a full recovery they just looked at her.

She got up and walked out.

Ducky found her sitting in the passenger seat of his Morgan in the parking lot. He got in, then handed her pills that, he said, would do nothing for her health, but keep the symptoms under control for now. Eventually he got around to giving her the full prognosis. She didn't quite get all the details right away, but she got the gist, she was dying. If she went for invasive treatment now, it would just take a few months longer.

That put paid to her romantic notions, even though she wished she could find refuge in Jethro's arms. When Gibbs started asking questions about her health, she refused to give in to his caring though she longed to. Knowing him better now than she had when they were a couple, she just wished to protect him against more heartache by keeping her distance. Jenny no longer denied to herself that she loved him, and for the first time in her adult life she chose what was maybe best for him.

Abby got a postcard from Carson, and soon after everybody in her reach knew that his mom was now officially and legally his. Jethro brought Jenny a cup of coffee to toast the family with. Fortunately Jenny had a good day, and was able to join in the spontaneous celebration in the squadroom.

Accepting that she was sick, and would get sicker still, was not easy for Jenny. She started wearing her sunglasses more frequently, and Ducky would come up to her office to check that she was fit for the day. He had adjusted her pills for the best possible outcome, but warned her that her symptoms would worsen over time, until there was no hiding them. He urged her to talk to Gibbs about what she was facing.

* * *

She had heard about the dog Abby had renamed Jethro. The rumors were that Jethro the man had confirmed that he was a good Jethro. That made Jenny smile, that playful streak came out too seldom in Gibbs, and she was glad to see it. She knew that Abby had somehow found a place in Jethro's heart that was far from the conflicts his lovers and spouses faced. Like any good father he let the hyper forensic scientist believe that she was his favorite, and the sweet kisses seemed to confirm it since Tony got the headslaps. Maybe it was just that Gibbs was a chauvinist, though Ziva got both. It was a quaint family Gibbs had created for himself.

Jenny still remembered Jethro's fierce defense of Abby when she had tried to make the resident Goth fit the federal employee mold; her first attempt didn't even last the day. Ms Sciuto had come to work dressed as 'Barbie', and then had proceeded to have a melt-down in full view of Jethro. Jenny would never have believed it, but their forensic scientist had Gibbs wrapped around her little finger, in an entirely platonic way unless she missed her guess.

Abby had treated her as 'Mommy' since she had picked up on Gibbs' possessiveness of her. It was still there, a bit better hidden these days, but as long as he let her steal his coffee she felt entitled to her role.

Remembering again how she had secretly enjoyed the reaction Gibbs gave to the Abby tantrum which a confused Ziva had related to her in confidence; down to the intelligence that McGee knew about Barbie, high heels and briefcase included. Jenny must have missed some incarnations of the doll. She asked herself if a daughter would have made her care, and then she wondered if Jethro had. She could just imagine the look Jethro would give her if she asked that. Incidentally a good question to have ready if she needed to block Jethro's inquiries into her health again. She'd been diligently working on suppressing her tell, but Gibbs was psychic, at least according to Abby.

Director Shepard had initially found nothing wrong with the NCIS dress code, and she prided herself on having fashion sense. Not that Abby didn't have it, she just had her very own style, and she and a few others were sent a reminder. Jenny thanked her lucky stars that she'd had the good sense of listening to Jethro on waiving the dress code for Abby when he'd shoved the printed notification at her. Together with Ziva, Jenny had later gotten with Abby to go shopping for a few outfits she could wear to court without giving up her personality. Jenny had since shared with Gibbs' honorary daughters that she had undertaken to 'accidentaly' ruin any of Jethro's horrible clothing choices in Europe. Then she'd gotten him replacement clothes that were a cut above her then pay grade, but she had come from money and could afford the expense. The girls had both gotten a kick out of it. She never got why Jethro insisted dressing in those cheap formless jackets, though she appreciated his looks in jeans and hoody. Still did, she was dying, but not dead! Anyway, she was setting aside a bequest involving the tailor Gibbs had used for his rare Sunday suit. She was sure Gibbs would eventually set his feet in there again, and he'd get a whole new wardrobe, even if it killed her. Gallows humor in her situation was good.

Abby had loved the girl power evenings, and had forgiven her for her other error in judgment, too. Giving Abigail Sciuto a laboratory assistant early in Jenny's tenure had started out as a sensible measure to cut down the workload of the heavily solicited scientist. Letting Jethro know that she would not be giving in to Abby's paranoia about working with Charles whatever-his-name-was had backfired grieviously. She had since known better than to contradict Jethro when he approved one of Abby's notions.

Stroking the sick dog in Abby's lab, Jenny had tried to convince Abby, but mostly herself, that some things had to be accepted. Abby had immediately denied that it had all to end a certain way. Abby, of course, was referring to Jethro the dog. Jenny was thinking about the Jethro who had once called her his own. She could not see how it could end well, whether she told him or not. About her health, and lack of future. Or maybe her feelings for him.

* * *

Back to Jethro's inquiring gazes. When her sins came to haunt her at NCIS, she had relied heavily on Jethro and his team. Gibbs protected her when the FBI came looking, trying to pin the murder of René Benoit first on Tony, then on herself. Poor Tony felt the wrath of Jeanne, but Jenny knew what Jeanne would be feeling, and speaking from daughter to daughter, showed that her mind had been playing tricks. Though Gibbs was right to suspect that it was Jenny's gun that had been fired at the hated man. Jethro knew more about their last encounter than he'd told, and she had seen his doubts about the end of the Frog, as he insisted calling her French nemesis. Jenny suspected that Jethro only minded that that she had used agency resources to get there, but she wasn't a trained sniper like him. He'd find out eventually, but she no longer cared about La Grenouille, he was gone, and one of these days soon, so would she.

She had apologized to the hapless daughter of the dead weapons dealer. She recognised that she should never have allowed Tony to get in so deep with Jeanne. But her one and only attempt to let go had come to naught when Tony's loyalty to a barely recovered Gibbs had made him anxious to stay on the team instead of accepting the promotion to Team Leader in Rota, Spain.

Those job openings didn't come up often, and she knew better than offer Tony a new Pentagon team after he witnessed Paula's demise. Of course she should have realized that Cassidy's violent death would have driven him straight to Jeanne, and a profound relationship he'd been reluctant to take up until then. It had gotten complicated then, involving the CIA, and Trent Kort. And while she had been furious about their intervention, in the end it was her lucky break. Gibbs had found Kort, and the FBI had nothing to substantiate abuse of her position.

Gibbs couldn't have known the irony of confirming her recovered reign with 'long live the Queen'. Soon enough Crown Prince Leon would take up the scepter for good. And still she wouldn't talk to Jethro, fearing her need for his arms around her would tear down her resolve to keep herself aloof. Not adding to the loved man's burden had become her new goal.

* * *

\- tbc -


	3. Endless Love

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

Identifyer: vglb0012/ch03 - a new chapter of "I Hear the Bells Toll" by VG LittleBear

Spoiler warning: 5×18 "Judgment Day I", minor spoilers for seasons 3 to 5.

* * *

 **Endless Love**

 _Not adding to the loved man's burden had become her new goal._

* * *

Mike Franks had driven with Jenny into the Mojave desert, and they had found clues to William Decker's mysterious insurance in his diner. Now Jenny was waiting for the next development of her emergency plan conceived after Decker's funeral in L.A. Upon discovering the threat to her old Parisian team, Jenny had immediately called in Mike to shield Jethro from the fall-out. For herself, she wasn't so sure what she wanted.

Ever since her illness had forced on her higher doses of pills to keep the symptoms from affecting her ability to function, she had been questioning what she wanted out of the time left to her. Sitting on the back of the diner's bench, Jenny contemplated the view before her: dusty, windswept desert. She wondered if her life looked like that from the outside? Wildflowers seldom bloomed in the desert, and she had sacrificed a lot to her career. Only Jethro had had a chance at distracting her from her path, that's why she had run from him the first time, and why she'd kept her distance, shunting away the reminders of a closer relationship.

From what Mike Franks had said, she should have called Jethro in his Mexican exile. And she would have called him, if she hadn't gotten Tony DiNozzo increasingly involved in her vendetta right then. Contrary to her assumptions, Jethro's 'Margarita Safari' with Mike had consisted more of dug up memories than excessive drinking. Then Ziva got in trouble, and Gibbs rode to the rescue. Serbia had still been in the black hole of Gibbs' shattered memory when he first came back. Jenny had been sad he'd forgotten one of her favorite time they had passed together. And yet, by the time Gibbs had saved Ziva, the jog to his memory had resurrected the week for him as Jethro let her know with the photo from Serbia. Jenny smiled ruefully, the photo of her younger self brought back to mind those days even now. She had a few pictures too, some she had blushed to hand over for developing on film. Had she let Gibbs struggle with his memory more than necessary? Jenny had always intended to ascertain there was no single of their moments missing. Even if they hadn't been lovers for years, they were still close, and would be closer again some day. As Mike said, she was still young. And she'd thought they had time - until she learned differently.

In her situation, dying to protect her hero seemed tempting, or at least the lesser evil.

As Special Agent she'd been prepared to die every day, and back in the day when she'd been undercover with Jethro in Europe, the danger had permeated everything they did. Recklessly heading into danger, she'd never felt more alive. - DiNozzo would tell her that she'd been the typical Bond girl, and maybe she'd been that to Jethro. - Not that she'd gotten Gibbs to go to the movies, but they had sometimes watched TV. Fortunately the spoken bits never mattered much, as between cuddling and the local station's language they didn't always catch them. And Gibbs still enjoyed when her Field Agent side peeked out from behind the Director persona.

The future regretfully mapped out for her by Ducky was not to Jenny's liking. More than the illness, she dreaded what her protracted dying might do to Jethro. It looked too close to what Anne Gibbs went through when Jethro was but a teen. Another thing she had learned from his personnel file once she went looking, back when he'd almost died in the explosion. She wondered if he knew that Anne Gibbs had abbreviated her own suffering? Ever since Gibbs learned about her dead father, she'd been yearning to talk to her old partner. About his mother, but more yet his living father. She would have loved meeting Jackson Gibbs some day, and find out if those piercing blue eyes were an hereditary trait. Getting sick had never been part of the plan.

Unlike Mike, Jethro had refrained from searching her handbag, but it was just a question of time until he found out. That was one of the reasons Jenny had taken an extended leave of absense: to remove herself from Jethro's everyday scrutiny. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, she hoped her health had been. Knowing Jethro, she knew he still wanted the truth about her personal Moby Dick hunt after the FBI investigation seconded by her own Assistant Director had petered out. That was not a conversation she looked forward to, but she'd tell him about it much easier than about being sick to death. Literally.

Jenny was due back to the office on Monday, though ousting Leon Vance from her office would only be temporary. All too soon she'd be on medical, and Jenny planned on meeting with SecNav to recommend Vance as the next head of the agency. If she survived today, she'd give her best shot at fostering understanding between Gibbs and her presumptive successor. Jethro took too much delight in being the second B in his name, and Leon would posture, not understanding the dynamics of Gibbs' team.

Mike had asked why she hadn't told Gibbs, and she had told him about her feelings for Jethro. She hadn't meant to spill that, but Mike was so easy to talk to. She had barely acknowledged to herself that she didn't tell Jethro about the sickness killing her out of love. He wouldn't keep away once he knew, he'd stick it out by her side, even if his heart broke in the process. So she kept putting it off, the telling, and maybe she'd get out of it now altogether. Before leaving home last evening, she'd thrown 'Dear Jethro' on her favorite letter paper, then stopped as she knew Jethro needed to be told in person. Another letter was not going to work. Yet she had left the paper sitting on her desk. Did she hope to come back? Jenny didn't know.

Jethro had wanted to come with her to Decker's funeral, but she had been nervous ever since she'd heard William was dead. He hadn't been old, nor sick. The three of them had been a team in Paris. They had gotten out clean, but there was that secret she and Decker had shared. What Gibbs didn't know may well yet hurt him, so Jenny had taken precautions.

When the posthumous warning from Decker reached her, Jenny called in Jethro's old mentor and sidekick, and distanced herself from the protection detail Jethro had insisted she take. Telling Mike about Oshimaida was insurance. She couldn't risk letting Gibbs walk into a trap even if she sprung this one. She couldn't involve Ziva and Tony - not for this old screw-up of hers. Clean up your own mess was one of Gibbs' rules. She knew his rules almost better than her own, even if she was shaky on the numbers, though rule forty five sounded about right. Mike Franks she could talk to, the old reprobate would make sure Jethro understood if she wasn't around later. The guy who had been asking for 'Mister Oshimaida' at the funeral wasn't anyone she knew, but his Russian origin gave her a clue. The source of the danger had to be the woman she wasn't hard enough to kill in Paris. Though how Svetlana Chernitskaya had found a trace to Decker was anyone's guess.

Mike had found out about her illness in record time. Then he'd asked why Gibbs didn't know. Didn't know what? That she was hopelessly in love with him? That she had kept richer and more powerful men at arm's length because she was dreaming about Jethro? That she had regrets and no time left? It was frustrating that at the end of the line she was getting sappy! That it was indeed the end of the line had become clear with Ziva's last call. Of course she could have given in to Mike's suggestion to head out. The diner was a death trap if her enemies had more firepower than she expected. On the other hand she hoped they had enough to take care of her. She wasn't going to just keel over. She fully intended to make sure none were left to go after Jethro. And she needed Mike to survive.

When her walk through the kitchen didn't produce any coffee, not even instant, she had turned the cupboards out, finding tea bags. Too bad the water was turned off. She could have used a cup! Then Mike had spoken about the water tower, and wanting to step out.

She had clambered up again on her seat after Mike Franks left through the back door, leaving a box of teabags on the table in front of her. Jenny laughed at the thought of Gibbs waking up in Mike's shack and finding no coffee in the kitchen. Just lemon grass tea. For a moment the thought left her smiling. Then she sobered. She took a moment to turn her phone back on, and debated calling Jethro. She longed for his voice. But then she slipped the phone into her jeans pocket and resumed gazing at the desert landscape.

Jenny was content Mike was still out of the way when she heard a car arrive. It looked like she was on her own.

The shots still reverberated in the air, and Jenny found herself lying on her side. Thoughts of rejoining her father took the fear of passing from her. Her last glance showed Mike barging in. Secure in the knowledge that he'd watch over Gibbs, she exhaled. Adrift like a flower on the wind.

* * *

\- _finis_ -

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _My heartfelt thanks for your patience, I never expected to take so long to post the final chapter, especially since the writing was done and uploaded. But I kept editing, moving paragraphs, adding and deleting. Well, you know! -_ _I love hearing from you, and treasure your thoughts!_


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